You're shit

England won against the Slovenians tonight. I watched it at a friend's house. The crowd's louty rendition of God Save the Queen almost brought a tear to my eye. Probably, if I was still in the UK, I wouldn't give much of a damn. But hearing the Japanese commentating screaming "Rooney!" at regular intervals (other names weren't mentioned quite so often) made me love Rooney like a brother.

Actually, Rooney came up in discussion recently and we just couldn't decide if he looked more like Shrek, a potato or a slightly disgruntled beanbag. The conclusion was, he looks better when viewed upside down. Still, he's no match for Beckham - body of a lion and a voice like Dorothy. That said, I have a soft spot for Rooney after watching him in the friendlies against Japan and seeing the way he tenderly picked up a Japanese player he'd no doubt just knocked over and gave him a light dusting down. What a gentleman! The crowd in the pub's shrill screams quietened to hushed murmuring, either out of admiration or suspicion.

England won that particular game, beating the Japanese by 2-1, but hilariously, scored neither of the goals. The Japanese, ever accommodating, decided to do the hard work for them.

I don't tend to care much about football. Some people do. In fact, being in such a multicultural circle is very enlightening, as people are quick to create the boundaries of "us" and "them". Or rather, "we" and "you", usually by country. Like this:

American: You should be ashamed. We drew with you!

Or a classic:

Person from any country but yours: You're shit!

YOU! US! It's like those horrible political/nationalistic conversations that you get into, usually when everyone's a bit tanked up. The kind of shit conversation where everyone blames everyone for nicking their country's gold/oil/women/slaves or whatever.

Raucous Canadian: You stole our lakes!
American: I wasn't born then.
Raucous Canadian: Yeah, but they were ours.

Without any decent wars on, we need someone to blame. Football is excellent, as without any gladiators or lions around anymore, we can bawl for the blood of our foes, screaming on opposite sides of an astroturf coliseum all in good fun.

You're shit!